When Silence is Golden

A new commentary every Wednesday November 5, 2014

From 1960 until nearly 1970, I had a six-hour talk show on radio, once a week, from six p.m. until midnight, that I called the "Anonymous Anything Society." It was the first of its kind in Tucson—very much so. That's when radio broadcasters shied away from any controversial topic for fear that an advertiser would take umbrage should the interlocutor say something with which a time-buyer disagreed. There were talk-shows, one of which I called "Doctor Dull's Breakfast Table." Controversial topics featuring guests emoting on topics such as "How to Rid Your Pet (and perhaps yourself) of Dog Fleas," or "Basket-Weaving For Left-Handed Persons."

These Public Service programs were usually relegated to 4:00 Sunday morning; always presided over by a non-personality who sounded as if he preferred Pablum for breakfast. There was usually a guest; perhaps several, and from time to time, the master of ceremonies sounded startled when a call came pouring in—most often from a close relative, or employee of the guests.

I was the station manager for out-of-state owners at a glorified rock n' roll jukebox. I hadn't been at it long before I got call from the stockholders. They had received a letter from Newton Minnow, then Chairman of the Federal Communications Commission, which stated that "KTKT's programming seemed to consist entirely of musical recordings interspersed with numerous commercial announcements," and until we could demonstrate that we were capable of acting in the public interest, the FCC was not going to award this reprehensible behavior with the usual three-year license renewal, but was herewith putting the Leland Bisbee Broadcasting Company "on probation," with a one-year extension, during which we could use the franchise to demonstrate that we too recognized we were operating a business as a franchisee should on a public-owned spot on the radio dial. That is, duplicate what all other radio stations that didn't play non-top music were doing at the time: Variations of "Doctor Dull..."

So, I persuaded the owners to let me try something else: (They were brave souls, truly exceptional people)...six hours totally without any commercial message whatsoever, during which hundreds if not thousands of listeners, when properly provoked, would respond by calling in. I was the always arbitrary provocateur. Often I would rant and rave. Other times calls would be only for a second or two.

Please (in the parlance of the time) dig this: The voices of the callers were not ever put on the air. "I repeated (all but the expletives) what the caller said and immediately responded to whatever they said. (I stole this from Bob Newhart).

Phil: Hello. You ask "Why don't we play, 'Rock around the clock?' Why don't you put your thumb in your ear and go bowling?" (Click)

Hanging up in the rudest possible manner was a regular feature. I used the word "Creep," as in "Listen you Creep..." often, in responding to the slightest criticism. People really, really loved to hate me.

And then, one night, a certified wakko called and said, "You (#?@!) I'm gonna' blow your head off with a shotgun!" and hung up. I've not the slightest recollection of what I said or what the callers said for the remainder of that night. I didn't sleep well afterwards.

This psycho kept calling me—from public phone booths. But, finally after nine weeks, he returned to his favorite pay phone and the police arrested him. Luckily for me, he was apparently unarmed all of the time. He had a history of doing this in other cities. I don't know what happened to him after he flunked a sanity trial.

But, here's what is really creepy: The next week came and went, and he never called.

...and I missed him.

C'mon! Don't you miss those interminable political broadcasts, or do you feel that someone, somewhere has given your life back to you?

Phil's current post can be read at: http://www.imrightagain.com

If you wish to comment, Phil can be reached at:

k7os (at) comcast (dot) net

"AgainRight"

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